I have 3 daughters, 2 from a previous marriage, 1 from my current marriage. My middle daughter lives with her dad for many reasons. I'll get to her in a minute. This year was his year to have the girls for Thanksgiving. While I hate not having either of them for the holidays, I'm a fair person and do my best, most of the time, to be fair about my oldest having time with her dad and other sister. When she came home tonight, she sits down on the couch, looks at me and says, "Sometimes, I really hate my dad." So I asked her how her weekend went. She proceeded to tell me that her Thanksgiving sucked. They were going to a friend of her dad's (I'm assuming for dinner), but when the 3 of them got there, the friend and family had already eaten dinner. Just hearing that broke my heart. Then she tells me that he spent almost the entire weekend telling her that she's ruining her life, throwing it away, wasting it, that she needs to get her grades up, and she should move in with him. While I agree with the getting the grades up part, I have serious issues with the rest. This is a smart kid, but gets distracted (bored) easily. Her grades are not the greatest, but she's getting by. I hate him knocking her down like this. He did it once at parent/teacher conferences when she was in elementary school. He caused such a scene at the school that the teachers were apologizing to me. He made her cry, and I think he did it on purpose. I can't say I understand his motives. I would like to say he doesn't hurt her feelings intentionally, but after being married to the man for 10 years, I can't. I don't appreciate him always lecturing her about coming to live with him either. I know she gets irritated being here, but that's part of life. Hell, I have my moments where I'm irritated here and want to go somewhere else, but this is home. I know it's hard enough for him to support one of the girls living with him because he doesn't have a job, how would he support both of them?! I was also informed tonight that he may be moving out of state once he gets his degree so that he can get a good job. Why he'd have to leave is beyond me, but whatever. I say good riddance. Dustin is at the point now where he just wants to go to court and become her legal guardian. I have no problem with that because I think Dustin is a better parent to her than her dad is, but I don't think I could really do that to her. I think that would make her feel like she has to choose between us and him, and I never want any of my kids put in that position. I know that my girls are smart, and they will figure things out for themselves as they grow older. I don't see the need to put any added pressure on them in that light. I just don't know what to say or do to make her feel better. To make her feel like she isn't worthless and that she's loved very much. She's a teenager for chrissakes, she's got enough going on her life right now she doesn't need shit like this coming from her dad. Her own little world is a soap opera at school. Home should be a refuge from the drama. So I guess I'm trying to decide if I let her go live with him, knowing it's going to be complete hell for her but let her find that out on her own, or if I talk to her and try to talk her out of going there and staying with us. This is the part of being a parent that sucks!
My middle daughter doesn't live with me because she's just like her dad. She thrives on drama, to the point that she almost ruined my life. I don't want to get into all the details, but I almost went to jail because of her a couple of years ago. After that, Dustin won't allow her to live here, and I don't blame him. I love her with all my heart, but she and I fight all the time. At least we used to. Last night I was reminded of all of this as she was sending me text messages trying to start a fight with me. My efforts with her aren't good enough for her. I will admit that I haven't tried very hard to spend time with her. It's been difficult for me. When I talk to her on the phone, I don't know what to say to her, or how to act. I always feel like I have to be walking on egg-shells around her, and I hate that feeling. I should probably try harder to spend time with her, but part of me feels like it's not worth the headache involved. Anyways, that was the end of my Thanksgiving weekend. Fun, fun.
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