In My Dreams

For the last 6 months or so, Dustin and I have been talking about having a threesome with another woman. (You can find his blog here) We have a friend, N, that has expressed an interest in being a part of it. This all started by me sending a text message to her last summer saying that I would just love to fuck her, that I have very little experience with women, but I wouldn't mind learning from her, or just being with her once. We traded messages back and forth, and even sent a few pictures to each other. It was very exciting, and definitely a huge boost to mine and Dustin's sex. I was so horny the first day N and I talked about hooking up, even after masturbating 3 times, that I pulled Dustin into the bedroom as soon as he got home and gave him head until he came. He had no idea where it came from (not that he complained at all), and said so. That was when I told him about the conversation between N and I, and I showed him the pictures we had shared with each other. I think his cock stayed hard for the next 2 or three days. He was surprised, but incredibly turned on. N and I had set a tentative date to get together. It ended up not happening then because she had some things come up, and I ended up having to take an emergency trip to the hospital and have surgery. That put me out of commission for about 6 weeks, and we stopped talking about it so much for awhile.

Then the holidays came around, and the new year. We would send little texts back and forth seeing how the other was doing, letting each other know that we're still interested, and that we'll work something out as soon as our schedules permit. It was something that was always in the back of my mind. I would think about it here and there, but it wasn't something that any of us were pushing for.

One day, N and I were texting again and we started talking about how I felt about things. I told her about what had happened with the threesomes I'd tried to have before, and how I felt afterwards. I wanted to be completely honest with her because I wanted all of us to be able to enjoy it. I told her I didn't know how I was going to react to seeing my husband fuck another woman. (Yes, I have told Dustin this, too.) I don't feel like I'm a jealous person, but I do get very territorial, and I can't help it. N completely understands, and told me that, if it made me feel better, it would just be her and I fucking, and he could watch. (Still a huge turn on for Dustin and I.) She also said that, while she's attracted to both of us, she doesn't want to ruin the friendship or any of our relationships over sex, so whatever I was comfortable with is what would happen.

Hearing that just made me even more turned on, and want her even more. This last week or so, N and I have been texting quite a bit again. I mentioned to her that I've been thinking about her, and I would really like to get together with her soon. To my surprise, she said she may be able to come hang out Thursday (tomorrow). I was very excited, and shared that with Dustin as I was going to bed. It clearly had the intended effect on him, because when he came to bed, he attacked me, and I was cumming from the second he touched me.

As I was leaving work yesterday, I just happened to run into N on my way out. It was a huge coincidence, but turned me on even more. We hugged, and talked again about her coming over. She said it looked like an even bigger possibility, and that she would let me know as soon as she knew for sure, one way or another. I texted Dustin to let him know, and to also tell him that he would be getting fucked that night. When I got home, we put the little one down for a little bit, I pulled his pants down, and began to give him an amazing blow job. (Side note: Seriously, I've never enjoyed sucking cock before, but there's just something about Dustin's cock...it's the perfect size for me to deep throat, and to play with it with my mouth, I absolutely LOVE his cock!!!)

I ended up going to bed early because I had worked a very long day at work and I physically just couldn't stay awake any longer, even though I tried. I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. It didn't feel like I had been asleep for very long, but I started to have sexy dreams. I'm not one to remember very much about my dreams, as a matter of fact, I rarely dream. But last night, I had some amazing dreams, and I remember parts of them. The one I remember the most, the one I was having when I woke up this morning, was so fucking hot I woke up with my hand down my panties. Here is what I remember:

N and I had gone for a walk because she wanted something to drink. Dustin and I are Straight Edge, so we don't have any alcohol in the house, and that's what she wanted. We were cutting through the parking lot of the abandoned bowling alley behind our apartments, and I pushed her up against one of the walls of the building. I pushed my body in to hers, stared deep into her eyes and started running my hands up and down her body as I began to kiss her, softly at first. When I felt her responding to my touch and my kiss, it got deeper. I kept her pinned against the wall, and started rubbing her breasts underneath her shirt. They were soft, and I could feel her nipples getting hard at my touch. She was running her hands all over me as well. She was grabbing my ass and pulling my hips into her. We made out like this for what felt like hours, and then we broke away from each other and walked back to our apartment. We came walking back in with silly grins on our faces. Dustin turned to look at us, and immediately knew what had happened. She and I went into the kitchen to put the things away from the store, and this time, she pushed me up against the refrigerator and started kissing me, hard. Where Dustin was sitting on the couch, he could clearly see what she was doing to me, and my reaction to it. She shoved her hand down my pants, and I immediately began moaning. She took a step back, I grabbed her, and led her to our room, telling Dustin to follow so he could watch what was about to happen.

Sadly, this is where I woke up. I know the real thing will be just as amazing, if not more so. I'm just hoping it happens soon!!!

I Realize

In writing this blog, I've come to a couple of realizations:

1.) I am far from what I used to consider normal.
2.) I have no problem expressing what I want in bed.
3.) I have one serious sexual appetite.

You may ask what I used to consider normal, and that's a fair question. For a very long time, normal to me was plain old missionary, sometimes cowgirl, penis in vagina sex. I know, not a very eloquent way to put it, but really, that's all it was to me. Spank me here and there, dig your nails in if it feels good, blah blah, boring, yawn, wake me up when it's over sex. I guess this is where I should do some explaining. I got married literally right out of high school (2 weeks exactly after graduation). I had only been with 3 men, including him, up to that point. I was young, thought I was in love, and didn't really have a clue as to what real life was about, but I was about to learn. Not long after we were married we started talking about fantasies. At that time, I had wondered what it was like to have a MMF threesome, and told him so. Within the next 2 weeks to a month (if it was even that long), he brought a friend over and said that we were going to do it. It was not a turn on, in any way, and I didn't have any fun with it. For some reason, though, he brought a few more guys home throughout the next few years for the same reasons. Each time I had no warning, and each time I had no choice. It got to the point where sex just wasn't fun or enjoyable for me any more. It got even worse when I found out he cheated on me with his best friend's wife.

At one point, I had a really good friend, I'll call him E. We were able to talk about everything, and I mean everything. He was a fun guy to be around, and he always had a way of putting a smile on my face. We ended up sleeping together, and it was amazing. It was honestly the best sex I had ever had in my life, up until that point. He taught me a lot of things about myself, but the biggest thing he taught me is that sex is a good thing. It's not something to be embarrassed about, or to be ashamed of.

Once I accepted that sex wasn't dirty, per se, I was free to enjoy it, and boy did I! Now, there were a couple of guys that I was with that were okay, not awful but not earth shakingly good either, but there wasn't anything about our sex life that I needed. Sex was something that was still just there. And then I met Dustin.

When you're in a long distance relationship, you have to have great communication skills. Talking on the phone for hours every night, emails and text messages throughout the day, it was almost like we were always around each other, except we hadn't even met in person yet. I know, every one thought I was completely crazy at the time, but it was perfect. We would have phone sex on a pretty regular basis, and that was hot as hell. When we were actually together, just him touching me was almost enough to make me cum. (BTW-yes, he still has that affect on me four years later, and I love it!)

I have always enjoyed my sex life with Dustin. I have always felt that we feed off each others energy, and know exactly how to please the other, without saying a word. I love telling him what I want him to do to me, and what I want to do to him. I especially love telling him these things via text when he's at work. I will play it out in my mind first. I think about what I want to send him, and I imagine what his reaction will be to reading it. I imagine that, if I word it correctly, he will be hard as a rock when he reads it, and that gets me so incredibly hot. Most of the time, I will have to go masturbate just to get through the day. I love that I have a partner that I can fantasize about, tell him about it, and then actually enjoy acting it out. Most of the time, my fantasies begin with me pulling his pants down around his ankles as soon as he walks in the door and just start sucking his cock. I have never really enjoyed sucking cock until being with Dustin. I absolutely love shoving his cock down my throat, and will do it just about every time fuck. I love the feeling of it in my hands and mouth. I love feeling him throbbing at my touch. I love the way his body moves in reaction to what I'm doing. I especially love the nights I completely suck him off and he shoots his hot cum in my mouth. I love the taste of it.

I have realized I am one of those women that would love to have sex every single day. (Except for that time of the month....and in that case, I'd still be okay with 1 time that week.) I have also decided that a lot of this has come from being more open about sex, but also from getting older. Who am I kidding? I'm in the Dirty Thirties, and it's been fun so far. I get what I want in bed, whether that is his pleasure or mine, it all makes me happy.



I'll write another blog soon. We're expecting a toy in the mail, and I can't wait to try it out! For anyone reading this, sorry it's kind of rambling. I just wanted to get these thoughts out. Feel free to leave comments, questions or suggestions here for me.

What I Need Right Now

I have not quite been feeling like myself in bed lately. I'm having a harder time getting turned on, and an even harder time really getting off. I don't think it's because we're doing anything different, in fact, we're doing everything that usually turns me on. So what is going on with me? Here are a few of my theories, and let me say, this is just what I'm thinking, I'm not saying anyone is doing anything wrong:

1. I'm a fucking temperamental woman.

As much as I hate to admit that, it's true. I'm a woman, I have too damn many hormones racing through my body on any given day, and I have mood swings. Look at me funny, and I just might cry. I'm not as tough as I may seem. Factor in a ticking biological clock that I would much rather smash up against a wall, and there you go.

2. I need more than to just be fucked. 

This goes along with me being temperamental. Now, don't get me wrong, I love a nice hard fuck as much as the next guy, but sometimes, I need the emotions that go along with it. I sometimes need the emotional aspect more than just the fuck. I need the cuddling, I need the holding. I hate going to bed by myself more often than not. We have a huge bed (California King), so we can each spread out and never touch each other. At first, I loved it, now I'm not liking it so much. I like the closeness and the feeling of protection that comes with that.

3. Stressed out.

I was out of work for 3 weeks. When you have a family to support, being out of work is scary, and stressful, as hell. I start my new job tomorrow, but it's only part time. Yes, something is better than nothing, but I'm still a bit worried that it's going to be really damn hard trying to make ends meet.

4. Fantasies are getting overwhelming.

There has been talk about us having a threesome. The girl is particularly into me, and has told me this on several occasions. Hot as hell, right? Yeah, I think so, too. Here's my problem with this. I'm starting to feel like, whenever this finally does happen (if it happens), we will have talked it to death, and the fantasy will have been so much better than the reality. I've been through that before, and it's not fun. As a matter of fact, it's a huge let down, and it makes me shut down. I'm starting to think the threesome with this girl won't happen, just because every time we start to talk about it and try to set something up, she falls off the face of the planet.

I think this last one is really part of what's going on with me at the moment. Once again, the talk of a threesome has come up, and once again, Dustin is so excited about it that he wants sex every night. But is it me he wants, or just the sex? I mean, I know he wants me, but everything ends up talking about the threesome. I will say, the last couple of nights, it hasn't been like that, and it's been great! Now don't get me wrong, talking about it every now and then is a lot of fun too, but I just don't like, and mentally can't, think about it or talk about it all the time. It just doesn't work for me. If I attempt to talk about it all the time, I'm not going to want it to happen. I know this from past experience. My first husband actually talked me into several threesomes that I wasn't comfortable with, one of which was with another woman (his best friends wife, the same woman I would later find out he cheated on me with). I was very uncomfortable, and when they started fucking, I ran out of the room. He came to find me several minutes later, after I had locked myself in the bathroom and was already a sniveling mess. Needless to say, it wasn't a great experience, and it's not something I'd like to repeat. I'm scared of having a threesome with another woman. I'm afraid that my husband will be more attracted to her, or she'll make him feel better, or whatever. I'm afraid of being too emotional, and freaking out again.

So what do I need right now? I need to feel the love. I need to fall asleep in his arms. I need to make love, and not just fuck all the time. I need to focus on us, and no one else, for a few nights. I guess I'm just wanting to feel a bit spoiled. I would like to hear that I look sexy, hell, even hearing that I look pretty would be nice. I don't know. I guess I'm just rambling now, so I'll end it.