I Realize

In writing this blog, I've come to a couple of realizations:

1.) I am far from what I used to consider normal.
2.) I have no problem expressing what I want in bed.
3.) I have one serious sexual appetite.

You may ask what I used to consider normal, and that's a fair question. For a very long time, normal to me was plain old missionary, sometimes cowgirl, penis in vagina sex. I know, not a very eloquent way to put it, but really, that's all it was to me. Spank me here and there, dig your nails in if it feels good, blah blah, boring, yawn, wake me up when it's over sex. I guess this is where I should do some explaining. I got married literally right out of high school (2 weeks exactly after graduation). I had only been with 3 men, including him, up to that point. I was young, thought I was in love, and didn't really have a clue as to what real life was about, but I was about to learn. Not long after we were married we started talking about fantasies. At that time, I had wondered what it was like to have a MMF threesome, and told him so. Within the next 2 weeks to a month (if it was even that long), he brought a friend over and said that we were going to do it. It was not a turn on, in any way, and I didn't have any fun with it. For some reason, though, he brought a few more guys home throughout the next few years for the same reasons. Each time I had no warning, and each time I had no choice. It got to the point where sex just wasn't fun or enjoyable for me any more. It got even worse when I found out he cheated on me with his best friend's wife.

At one point, I had a really good friend, I'll call him E. We were able to talk about everything, and I mean everything. He was a fun guy to be around, and he always had a way of putting a smile on my face. We ended up sleeping together, and it was amazing. It was honestly the best sex I had ever had in my life, up until that point. He taught me a lot of things about myself, but the biggest thing he taught me is that sex is a good thing. It's not something to be embarrassed about, or to be ashamed of.

Once I accepted that sex wasn't dirty, per se, I was free to enjoy it, and boy did I! Now, there were a couple of guys that I was with that were okay, not awful but not earth shakingly good either, but there wasn't anything about our sex life that I needed. Sex was something that was still just there. And then I met Dustin.

When you're in a long distance relationship, you have to have great communication skills. Talking on the phone for hours every night, emails and text messages throughout the day, it was almost like we were always around each other, except we hadn't even met in person yet. I know, every one thought I was completely crazy at the time, but it was perfect. We would have phone sex on a pretty regular basis, and that was hot as hell. When we were actually together, just him touching me was almost enough to make me cum. (BTW-yes, he still has that affect on me four years later, and I love it!)

I have always enjoyed my sex life with Dustin. I have always felt that we feed off each others energy, and know exactly how to please the other, without saying a word. I love telling him what I want him to do to me, and what I want to do to him. I especially love telling him these things via text when he's at work. I will play it out in my mind first. I think about what I want to send him, and I imagine what his reaction will be to reading it. I imagine that, if I word it correctly, he will be hard as a rock when he reads it, and that gets me so incredibly hot. Most of the time, I will have to go masturbate just to get through the day. I love that I have a partner that I can fantasize about, tell him about it, and then actually enjoy acting it out. Most of the time, my fantasies begin with me pulling his pants down around his ankles as soon as he walks in the door and just start sucking his cock. I have never really enjoyed sucking cock until being with Dustin. I absolutely love shoving his cock down my throat, and will do it just about every time fuck. I love the feeling of it in my hands and mouth. I love feeling him throbbing at my touch. I love the way his body moves in reaction to what I'm doing. I especially love the nights I completely suck him off and he shoots his hot cum in my mouth. I love the taste of it.

I have realized I am one of those women that would love to have sex every single day. (Except for that time of the month....and in that case, I'd still be okay with 1 time that week.) I have also decided that a lot of this has come from being more open about sex, but also from getting older. Who am I kidding? I'm in the Dirty Thirties, and it's been fun so far. I get what I want in bed, whether that is his pleasure or mine, it all makes me happy.



I'll write another blog soon. We're expecting a toy in the mail, and I can't wait to try it out! For anyone reading this, sorry it's kind of rambling. I just wanted to get these thoughts out. Feel free to leave comments, questions or suggestions here for me.