What I Need Right Now

I have not quite been feeling like myself in bed lately. I'm having a harder time getting turned on, and an even harder time really getting off. I don't think it's because we're doing anything different, in fact, we're doing everything that usually turns me on. So what is going on with me? Here are a few of my theories, and let me say, this is just what I'm thinking, I'm not saying anyone is doing anything wrong:

1. I'm a fucking temperamental woman.

As much as I hate to admit that, it's true. I'm a woman, I have too damn many hormones racing through my body on any given day, and I have mood swings. Look at me funny, and I just might cry. I'm not as tough as I may seem. Factor in a ticking biological clock that I would much rather smash up against a wall, and there you go.

2. I need more than to just be fucked. 

This goes along with me being temperamental. Now, don't get me wrong, I love a nice hard fuck as much as the next guy, but sometimes, I need the emotions that go along with it. I sometimes need the emotional aspect more than just the fuck. I need the cuddling, I need the holding. I hate going to bed by myself more often than not. We have a huge bed (California King), so we can each spread out and never touch each other. At first, I loved it, now I'm not liking it so much. I like the closeness and the feeling of protection that comes with that.

3. Stressed out.

I was out of work for 3 weeks. When you have a family to support, being out of work is scary, and stressful, as hell. I start my new job tomorrow, but it's only part time. Yes, something is better than nothing, but I'm still a bit worried that it's going to be really damn hard trying to make ends meet.

4. Fantasies are getting overwhelming.

There has been talk about us having a threesome. The girl is particularly into me, and has told me this on several occasions. Hot as hell, right? Yeah, I think so, too. Here's my problem with this. I'm starting to feel like, whenever this finally does happen (if it happens), we will have talked it to death, and the fantasy will have been so much better than the reality. I've been through that before, and it's not fun. As a matter of fact, it's a huge let down, and it makes me shut down. I'm starting to think the threesome with this girl won't happen, just because every time we start to talk about it and try to set something up, she falls off the face of the planet.

I think this last one is really part of what's going on with me at the moment. Once again, the talk of a threesome has come up, and once again, Dustin is so excited about it that he wants sex every night. But is it me he wants, or just the sex? I mean, I know he wants me, but everything ends up talking about the threesome. I will say, the last couple of nights, it hasn't been like that, and it's been great! Now don't get me wrong, talking about it every now and then is a lot of fun too, but I just don't like, and mentally can't, think about it or talk about it all the time. It just doesn't work for me. If I attempt to talk about it all the time, I'm not going to want it to happen. I know this from past experience. My first husband actually talked me into several threesomes that I wasn't comfortable with, one of which was with another woman (his best friends wife, the same woman I would later find out he cheated on me with). I was very uncomfortable, and when they started fucking, I ran out of the room. He came to find me several minutes later, after I had locked myself in the bathroom and was already a sniveling mess. Needless to say, it wasn't a great experience, and it's not something I'd like to repeat. I'm scared of having a threesome with another woman. I'm afraid that my husband will be more attracted to her, or she'll make him feel better, or whatever. I'm afraid of being too emotional, and freaking out again.

So what do I need right now? I need to feel the love. I need to fall asleep in his arms. I need to make love, and not just fuck all the time. I need to focus on us, and no one else, for a few nights. I guess I'm just wanting to feel a bit spoiled. I would like to hear that I look sexy, hell, even hearing that I look pretty would be nice. I don't know. I guess I'm just rambling now, so I'll end it.