Pain is pleasure

It's been awhile since I've posted anything new here. I'm sorry for that. Some of it has to do with the holidays, some is just me being lazy. Believe me, there hasn't been a lack of things to write about. I'll start with my most recent experience.

A few nights ago, I was very horny (when am I not?) and started playing around with Dustin. I started by kissing him all over. I love kissing his body. I love the taste, smell, and feel of it all, not to mention his reactions to what I'm doing. I could feel him getting harder with each kiss, and even start to throb, all before we took any clothes off. It began to get a little uncomfortable in the living room, so we went into our bedroom. I can be a little louder in there, and there's plenty of room to move around.

Once in our room, I started taking off all his clothes as I was kissing him. I could now see how hard he was, and I couldn't resist kissing his inner thighs and making my way to his cock. I love feeling him shudder as I shove him inside my mouth, I love hearing him moan as well. I am very good at taking orders from him, but I also like improvising a little for his pleasure. He had told me when we moved to our room that I would be riding him until he came, or I would face the punishment. In the back of my mind, I wanted to fail. I wanted to feel the punishment. There was some part of me that was again craving the beating. As I was licking and sucking on his cock, I heard his evil laugh. That deep, guttural laugh that tells me I'm doing exactly as I'm supposed to, but I am still in for it. Hearing this made me shove his cock even farther down my throat, which made him laugh even more. At this point, I stopped and began begging him to kiss me on my back. I needed to feel his touch on me.

He sat up, and turned me around so that I was still on my knees with my back facing him. He began to run his nose and lips across my back. That alone almost made me cum. There was something almost animal, yet so sensual, about the way he was "sniffing" me. Here and there I would feel his tongue along my spine, but mostly I felt his teeth as he bit in to me. He was also running his fingers along my sides, and would grab hold here and there. It was almost like he was shoving his fingers in between my ribs, knowing it would hurt me, and make me wet all at once. By now, I'm quivering in anticipation of what he will do to me next, and with wanting his hard cock inside me. I told him I was ready to ride him. He reminded me that I was to ride him until he came, and that he didn't want to hear any excuses of me being tired, or getting cramps, or anything else. This was what I was to do. Again, there was the little voice in the back of my head that said I wasn't going to do it just so I could be punished.

I couldn't help but enjoy shoving him inside my already dripping cunt. I love feeling every bit of him inside me. I love feeling his back arch in pleasure as I shove him inside me. The first thrust is always a welcome feeling. He was telling me what a good little whore I was, which made me even wetter, and ride him even harder. I enjoy being on top because it gives me a little more control. We both seem to cum harder with me on top as well. Unfortunately, I haven't been in the gym as much as I should be, so I'm a bit out of shape and can't always ride him as long as I'd like. This night though, his cock was hitting me in all the right places, and I felt like I could ride him for hours. I was kissing, licking, biting him everywhere I could. I started cumming, and he didn't tell me to hold it in. He encouraged me to cum. I was cumming and dripping all over him at once. I think I may have even squirted. He and the bed were covered in my hot juices. As much as I wanted to keep riding him, it felt too good to stop, I physically couldn't any longer.

He then threw me off him, and told me I was going to pay. He started spanking me, which led to slapping me, once he shoved himself back inside me. I could tell he was about to get off. He was slapping me so hard (my entire face hurt for most of the next day), I started to cry. I couldn't remember our safe word. I've never felt the need to use it before, so it just wasn't something I thought of before our rough play. Here's the thing though, even though it hurt, and it hurt bad, I would let him do it again, over and over. Having him actually hurt me, unintentionally, made me feel so much closer to him. I know he felt awful about it, and at the moment, I did too, but looking back on it as I'm reading/writing this, I know he came very hard that night, and I did too. Hell, I think I squirted for the first time! I wouldn't change anything about what happened, and I would have him do it all again. I will remember the safe word from now on, just in case. But he woke something up inside me that night. He made me his, completely. I now know, he could take me to the edge, and even over that cliff, and I will still be okay, and want it even more.

I told him that night that I needed a little break from the rough play, but now I'm thinking I may not. I may be craving it even more. It always used to blow my mind reading stories about other women that enjoyed pain and even torture, and how it got them off. I never fully understood it, until now. Having someone you trust take you to extremes you never even thought possible of handling, and then pushing past them is such an incredibly freeing experience. I can't wait to do it again.

What was I thinking?

I work with some pretty crazy people. We all have to be a little crazy to work in retail, dealing with teenage girls every day; but there is one girl that is a touch crazier than the rest, and by that, I mean she is seriously crazy. She's on meds, and sees a couple of different doctors.  I am not going to name names, just in case she happens upon this post. Here is my dilemma:

This girl has a habit of going after men that are already taken, thinking she legitimately has a chance of a future with them. At one point, I thought we were friends, so I talked to her about one of the guys, and told her to walk away. In doing so, and in my husband and I being so open about what we do sexually, I think I may have helped to create a monster. My husband and I have talked about having a threesome with another woman for quite some time now. A few months ago, I wouldn't have been opposed to the possibility of including this girl. I'm really beginning to regret ever letting her into my life. I don't mind telling people about what we do in our bedroom, if I did, I obviously wouldn't have this blog. I do mind people trying to get to my husband behind my back. I am not a jealous person, but there are lines that you just don't cross. This girl is now talking to my husband all the time. He can talk to whomever he wants, but when it can affect our well-being, and my job, I think it's time to stop. I have a lot of problems with the girls I work with, I only work with girls, but this one talks the most shit about me, and has stated that she hates me. So why, all of a sudden, does she want to come to my house all the time? It's obviously not to see me. I know my husband would never cheat on me, but I am sure this bitch is going to try everything she can to get him to do something. Now, whether that is chatting online when I'm not around, to sending private messages to each other, to sending inappropriate text messages, I am not okay with any of it.

The worst thing about all of this is that I get turned on by how pissed off I'm getting. It makes me crave a beating. It makes me want him to come in, tell me to shut the fuck up, and just use me to get himself off. I want that more than anything. I want to be restrained, tied up, gagged, blindfolded, all of it. I want him to hurt me, really hurt me, in a way neither of us ever thought possible. I want him to leave marks, bruises, scars. But I want all of this to be purely physical, I don't want emotional scars. So how to make this happen? Hmmmm......and how do I get her out of our lives without completely fucking up my job, or coming across as a controlling bitch?

And how do I find a woman I am comfortable with and attracted to for a threesome with us? This is something I'd really like to do for my husband, as I know it's something he's always wanted. I have been with a woman once before, but it was a long time ago, and I was so nervous, I kind of just laid there and didn't really do anything, or enjoy it as much as I could have. So many questions running through my mind, and I can't focus long enough to answer any of them because of this deep craving I have. I have never wanted to be hurt like this before, but I am enjoying it. I wonder how much more I'll enjoy it when it happens?

Morning Sex

I woke up horny again this morning, even after he fucked me like a bitch last night, I woke up craving more. So, I rolled over and started fondling his already hard cock. I couldn't wait for him to wake up, so I pulled his pants and underwear down and started sucking on it. That got the reaction I wanted because he started moaning, and his cock got even harder. Again, I couldn't wait any longer, my cunt was already dripping in anticipation. I climbed on top of him and just started grinding. I think that's when he really started to wake up and realize it wasn't a dream. I rode him for as long as I could (and made myself cum at least twice), and then it was his turn. He had me get on my stomach, and he just pounded me until we both came at once.

I've never started fucking him while he was still mostly asleep before, but I think I'll definitely do it again! I've gotten into this whole, "I'm taking what I want, when I want it" phase, and I'm really enjoying it! I just hope he enjoyed me waking him up like that as much as I enjoyed waking him up!

Please Baby, Please.....

For the last few days, I have just been horny as all hell. Masturbating in the shower isn't helping me. Dustin has told me about one of his fantasies, and it's got me all hot and wet. He wants to rape me, though I don't think we'd take it as far as some people have, mainly because I have experienced non-consensual rape, so even consensual non-consent rape would probably be too much for me. At the same time, the thought of him raping me gets me incredibly turned on. Having him take me and just use and abuse me really gets me going. Knowing that I am always completely safe with him helps, too. Although......the last few times we have had rough sex, there has just been something about him. Maybe it was his growl, or his deep laugh, but something tells me that being raped by him would not be just a walk in the park. And that is something that I really want right now. I want to be pushed to my limits, and then taken over the edge.

I sent him a text last night telling him that I want him to rape me soon. I'm hoping it will be very soon, but I also don't really want to know it's coming. I want the element of surprise to still be involved. But damn, I need to feel his power and strength, and the pain that he will cause me.

Not Sure What to Do...

I have 3 daughters, 2 from a previous marriage, 1 from my current marriage. My middle daughter lives with her dad for many reasons. I'll get to her in a minute. This year was his year to have the girls for Thanksgiving. While I hate not having either of them for the holidays, I'm a fair person and do my best, most of the time, to be fair about my oldest having time with her dad and other sister. When she came home tonight, she sits down on the couch, looks at me and says, "Sometimes, I really hate my dad." So I asked her how her weekend went. She proceeded to tell me that her Thanksgiving sucked. They were going to a friend of her dad's (I'm assuming for dinner), but when the 3 of them got there, the friend and family had already eaten dinner. Just hearing that broke my heart. Then she tells me that he spent almost the entire weekend telling her that she's ruining her life, throwing it away, wasting it, that she needs to get her grades up, and she should move in with him. While I agree with the getting the grades up part, I have serious issues with the rest. This is a smart kid, but gets distracted (bored) easily. Her grades are not the greatest, but she's getting by.  I hate him knocking her down like this. He did it once at parent/teacher conferences when she was in elementary school. He caused such a scene at the school that the teachers were apologizing to me. He made her cry, and I think he did it on purpose. I can't say I understand his motives. I would like to say he doesn't hurt her feelings intentionally, but after being married to the man for 10 years, I can't. I don't appreciate him always lecturing her about coming to live with him either. I know she gets irritated being here, but that's part of life. Hell, I have my moments where I'm irritated here and want to go somewhere else, but this is home. I know it's hard enough for him to support one of the girls living with him because he doesn't have a job, how would he support both of them?! I was also informed tonight that he may be moving out of state once he gets his degree so that he can get a good job. Why he'd have to leave is beyond me, but whatever. I say good riddance. Dustin is at the point now where he just wants to go to court and become her legal guardian. I have no problem with that because I think Dustin is a better parent to her than her dad is, but I don't think I could really do that to her. I think that would make her feel like she has to choose between us and him, and I never want any of my kids put in that position. I know that my girls are smart, and they will figure things out for themselves as they grow older. I don't see the need to put any added pressure on them in that light. I just don't know what to say or do to make her feel better. To make her feel like she isn't worthless and that she's loved very much. She's a teenager for chrissakes, she's got enough going on her life right now she doesn't need shit like this coming from her dad. Her own little world is a soap opera at school. Home should be a refuge from the drama. So I guess I'm trying to decide if I let her go live with him, knowing it's going to be complete hell for her but let her find that out on her own, or if I talk to her and try to talk her out of going there and staying with us. This is the part of being a parent that sucks!

My middle daughter doesn't live with me because she's just like her dad. She thrives on drama, to the point that she almost ruined my life. I don't want to get into all the details, but I almost went to jail because of her a couple of years ago. After that, Dustin won't allow her to live here, and I don't blame him. I love her with all my heart, but she and I fight all the time. At least we used to. Last night I was reminded of all of this as she was sending me text messages trying to start a fight with me. My efforts with her aren't good enough for her. I will admit that I haven't tried very hard to spend time with her. It's been difficult for me. When I talk to her on the phone, I don't know what to say to her, or how to act. I always feel like I have to be walking on egg-shells around her, and I hate that feeling. I should probably try harder to spend time with her, but part of me feels like it's not worth the headache involved. Anyways, that was the end of my Thanksgiving weekend. Fun, fun.

I have issues

If you've read my blog at all, you know that Dustin and I have been trying new things in bed. While we have both been enjoying them very much, last night got emotional for me, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I haven't had much time away from work to unwind and relax, or maybe there was a nerve that was hit last night that I'm trying to get over. I have been raped in the past by someone I cared a great deal about. It wasn't brutal or anything traumatic like that, but it wasn't something that was easy for me to deal with for a long time. It was a situation where we were having sex, I wasn't into it and it started to hurt, so I asked him to stop. He didn't. He kept going while I was crying, and then didn't seem to even care about how he had just hurt me. I was also only 18 at the time, and didn't want to upset him, so I just kept my mouth shut and faked it for the next 10 years.

Now I'm in a relationship with a man that truly loves me with all his heart and will do anything to make me happy and make me feel good. Our sex life has never been anywhere close to boring, and has always been quite incredible. We like to experiment and try new things. New is always exciting and adds a different element to things. I truly love trying new things with Dustin. I feel safe with him and I know that he would never intentionally hurt me emotionally.

I've been putting in a lot of hours at work lately, so I'm completely drained. Dustin and I haven't been talking as much. I know I have a lot to do with it. I know I've been sounding bitchy when I do talk to him. So maybe getting rough last night wasn't the best idea. Don't get me wrong, it still felt incredible, but my mind wasn't completely there.

I have come to really enjoy being called his dirty little whore, or slut, or whatever demeaning name he can come up with in the moment. I enjoy the spankings, the slaps, the fingernails dragging along my skin. I never thought I would come to enjoy this kind of pain like I have, but last night, I didn't enjoy it as much as usual. I was told not to cum, so I held it in. Usually when I do that, my orgasm is even more explosive, and I can cum on demand. Last night, after holding it in, it took forever for me to get to the point of being able to cum again. I'm hoping this is all just because I'm tired as hell.

I'm also a highly emotional person, and have been feeling a bit down lately. I've been trying to shake this feeling, but don't know how. I've also been hiding it, and haven't talked to anyone about it. I'm hoping it goes away soon. I guess blogging will help with all of this, at least I hope it does.

About Last Night.....

So we have been talking with a couple of ladies on Twitter, and they asked for a sexy picture of Dustin. We talked about doing it for a couple of days, but nothing ever came of it. I'm sure the ladies started to think we were teasing. Yesterday, as he was getting ready for work, Dustin took this picture, and posted it to Twitter, as well as sent it to me in a text message.

First off, I absolutely LOVE seeing my husband like this. He had worked very hard to lose weight, and tone out. I know he doesn't feel completely comfortable with how he looks right now, and I understand that, but damn do I love looking at him.

After seeing this picture, we both still had to go to work. Thank Xenu it was a short day for me, because my mind was elsewhere. I decided I was going to get the ball rolling while I was still at work. I sent him this text message: "I am going down on you tonight. I need to feel your cock in my throat." I know it caught him completely off-guard, and that was the point. I wore my thigh-high socks, partially because it was so cold out, mostly because I know how much he loves them; skinny jeans, and my high heel boots. He was definitely drooling a little when I walked in the door after work.


I needed to get something to eat before we did anything, and I changed clothes so he could fully enjoy my tall socks. He kept rubbing on my feet and legs to feel the socks. I love it when he touches me, but especially when he is just rubbing me all over without even thinking about it. Finally, I asked him to come to bed with me. He looked a little disappointed, and said, "But I thought you were going to go down on me?"
I explained that I was cold, and needed to cover up, but hell yes, I was still going down on him. I've been craving his cock for days, and was going to do everything I could to make it and him happy.

Touching him all over, seeing him squirm and moan, letting my fingers and tongue roam gets me hot. I love to just lick his cock for a little bit before I swallow it. I like teasing him that way because we both know that I am going to swallow his cock, and either get him very close to cumming, or make him explode with my lips, tongue and throat. This time, I just got him extremely hard. Hearing him tell me that I suck cock so well got me so wet, I asked him to eat me, and then I was going to ride him.

He doesn't go down on me very often, and I'm not entirely sure why, he's very good at it, and I always enjoy it. Last night was a special case. The way he uses his tongue and lips, well his entire mouth he had me cumming within a couple minutes. I needed to get up to grab a condom, and as I did so, he took charge. He wrapped his arm around my neck, and forced my hand down to play with myself. He told me to make myself cum, because that could be the only time I do all night. He was not going to let me cum unless he said it was okay. This is something new for us, but it has had a very powerful impact in my orgasms. Obviously, you can't completely control your bodies reaction to something, but not being able to actually let yourself explode when that is all your body wants, depriving yourself of ultimate satisfaction, and knowing that he's getting off on it....unless you've done it, I can't begin to tell you how intense an orgasm is when you're finally allowed to have it.

Once I had gotten myself off, I rolled over and began to suck his cock again, to make sure he was nice and hard. I then rolled the condom on, and stroked him for a little while with it on. By that point, I couldn't take it anymore, I needed to have him inside me. I mounted him, and started bucking my hips. It didn't take long for me to be dripping wet, I asked permission, and he allowed me to cum. He told me I needed to ride him until he came, no exceptions, or I would be punished. If I came without permission, I would be punished. I am a rebel at heart, and hearing him say these things made me want to disobey to see what kind of punishment I would get. I came up too high at one point, and his cock came out for a couple seconds. It was greeted with an evil laugh, and another warning of punishment if it came out again. He allowed me to cum a couple more times, and then my legs began to get numb. I kept trying to ride, but I was also very curious as to what the punishment would be if I stopped.

I soon found out. He grabbed me by the hair, threw me down on the bed on my stomach, wrapped his arm around my neck again, and began pounding his cock inside me, telling me he didn't like his slave disobeying him. I was about to cum the second he started, but he told me I wasn't allowed to cum yet, I had been a bad girl. That made it that much harder to keep it in. I love being the bad girl, I always have. I may look sweet and innocent, but I'm not. I could feel his cock getting ever harder inside me, and I knew he was about to cum. That was when he told me I could cum. I pushed back into him with all my might, and we both came together. I collapsed on the bed feeling wonderful, and not really able to move too much. Good thing it was a little cold out, because I got a chill and was able to get up and pull the covers over me.

And this all began with one little picture!