To Squirt or not to Squirt?

It's been awhile since I've posted anything here. Truth be told, there hasn't been much to write about lately. Too many other things going on in my regular life that wouldn't make for an interesting read. And then there was the one night last week.
I don't remember if I've ever talked about squirting before or not, but I will be talking about it in this blog. Up until 4 years ago, I had never even heard of squirting, so when my boyfriend at the time (now husband) mentioned it, I was completely clueless. At first, I thought it was a golden shower, which didn't interest me at all. Dustin then sent me a couple of squirting videos, and I thought they were hot as hell. What man doesn't want to make the woman he's with just explode in every way possible? What woman, for that matter, doesn't want her man to make her physically unable to stand because his cock hit just the right spot? So we both started doing research to try to find out how and why women squirt. Just reading that sentence makes me giggle....how many people do you know who will research something sexual? Although, I guess, to a certain extent, porn is research in some capacity, so it's not too far fetched.
Everything that I found about squirting said that I needed to relax. Okay, I can do that. Wait, can I? I haven't ever really thought about if I'm relaxed or not during sex. I have always focused on how good it feels. Hmmmm, okay I need to be a little more conscious about what my muscles are doing during sex.
I also read that it could feel like you need to urinate, that is okay, and just push through it. Excuse me, what? Push through feeling the need to pee? But doesn't that mean that I will pee the bed? Maybe, maybe not. Dustin said he was okay if that's what happened, if it helped me to be able to squirt. Hold on, I have to relax, AND push through feeling like I have to pee? How the fuck do you do that? I started to get confused, and overwhelmed, so we just stopped talking about it.
We have mentioned it in passing here and there, and he really wants to make me squirt, and I really want to squirt. I know it's physically possible for every woman to squirt, but psychologically it's not. So, we stopped trying and just went back to enjoying our very active, very satisfying sex life.
One night, I was riding Dustin. I love to be on top. I can get his cock so far in me, and I can be in complete control. I can make his cock hit every spot I want it to hit to get myself off. I think that's what I enjoy most about riding him, as selfish as it may sound, I get myself off hard and fast, and then I focus on him. I have learned how to get myself to cum so hard that all I can do is collapse on top of Dustin. In doing that, I have also learned that I soak him with my juices.
The other night, I did just that. I was riding Dustin to my little hearts content, and the juices were flowing, to the point I could feel them running down  my legs, I was actually splashing in them every time I came down on him. I don't think I squirted, but with all my juices flowing, how do I know I didn't? And yes, those were all my juices. We use condoms during sex because I am not getting pregnant again. So, until I get my tubes tied, condoms it is!
I don't know for sure if this has made me squirt, but it has definitely made my juices flow, and that has been very nice. That's not to say that I wouldn't mind being able to squirt (and know it) one day, but I've definitely taken the emphasis off it. I've learned to relax more during sex, and in doing so, I've enjoyed it MUCH more. I always have very intense orgasms with Dustin. This night in particular, I actually couldn't speak for a little bit after we finished. We definitely work well together in bed, and I love it!